5 things I didn't expect ...

Not things I expected at all when I was pregnant. Strange truths from behind the empire-waisted, tie-backed maternity shirts.

1. The Waddle. You can resist it all you want. One day. You get the waddle. I refused to admit I would waddle. I fought the waddle. I even practiced my tango walk once or twice for Douglas to show him I wasn't going waddle. But it was all for naught. I waddle now. I have to move side to side in order to make forward motion. And I really don't know why. It's funny looking, it's a cliche, it's inevitable. I give up. Hopefully my tango walk will return. Some day.
2. I like Babies 'R Us. It's better than Target. It's like Target on Steroids. It's the perfect place to waste time, to shop around and to realize you need everything and nothing that is within these doors. I even know where stuff is in the BRU. Yeah, it goes by BRU around our house now.
3. Maternity Pants Are Just As Horrible As Regular Pants. For girls with short legs, that is. Do people really exist that can buy pants off the rack without shortening 3 inches from them? Thank goodness I spent the entire portion of my pregnancy that needed maternity pants in cropped pants. Or floods based on how they looked on me. Now that it's November and I am honest-to-God living in one pair of ancient, non-maternity yoga type pants. I wash them every other day. They are the only pair of long pants that fit me. They were black 3 weeks ago. Now they are a nice shade of kinda-black....and really stretched out. Heh.
   
4. Maternity Pants Are Better Than Sliced Bread. Assuming I can find something in the right length, the fact that you don't have to waste a mili-second of time unbuttoning or unzipping is perhaps the most under-estimated bliss ever. I don't know how I will be able to return to the Land of Needing Two Hands to Pull Down My Pants. It's so comfy here is Stretch Waistband World.
5. The Belly is Hard. The Belly Doesn't Bend. Why didn't I know this? Why did I think getting out of bed would be just as easy as before?? It's like being a turtle trapped on your back. Help me. Please! I have to catch a heel on the side of the bed and hoist myself up. At my massage on Saturday I almost fell off the table. She got me about halfway up to sitting and let me go... I started to tip to the right. NOT GOOD. I cannot stop myself, I cannot bend. Luckily she caught me before I went overboard. It would have been a big mess of me. Naked. On the floor. Ack.